Meet Ray Beale

You don’t have to take a sip of alcohol for underage drinking to affect your life. Ray Beale grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone. When she was in high school, Ray heard about an upperclassman from another high school who nearly died of alcohol asphyxiation. She had known this teen when she was a little girl and remembered her as the sweet older sister of her kindergarten friend.

Growing up, Ray’s parents had open conversations with her from an early age about the dangers of alcoholism. Her parents talked openly about having relatives who were alcoholics or who were married to alcoholics. She remembers learning about an older cousin who was alienated from his children because of his drinking. He died early and alone from alcoholism. Her maternal grandfather who died decades before she was born, became bed-bound due to alcohol-related illnesses.

Ray has also seen another side of irresponsible drinking.  “When I was in tenth grade, my aunt was driving home from choir practice one evening. She was hit and killed by a drunk driver who had not one, but nine previous DUIs.”

Ray’s personal losses created a lifelong commitment to educating people about alcohol abuse. During her counseling coursework, she studied alcoholism treatment and prevention and realized that her parents’ conversational approach to alcohol consumption, and the lessons she learned from early in life, were her most enduring tools for health and healing in matters of addiction.

Ray believes in talking early and often about the dangers of underage consumption. She likes to use the Covey habit of beginning with the end in mind and believes that people respond well to the proposition that peace, and even joy, come when we remove ourselves from the likelihood of “avoidable regret.” She believes many young people end up deciding that “the inner turmoil of making wrong choices is just not worth it.” Ray says, “When we control what’s ours to control, move away from soul-diminishing scenarios and toward life-giving situations, good things tend to open up for us.”

“I saw alcohol’s effects profoundly, at some pretty pivotal times, and that really informed a passion for wanting to help parents,” Ray says, “Parents want more than anything to open up the goodness of life to their kids. But life is not a full slate of goodness. It is full of conditions that require careful navigation. Parents develop better relationships with their kids when they accept that part of this goodness means taking the lead on difficult things.”

A Passion for Safer Communities

Today, Ray Beale is a dedicated faith leader, mental health coach, and advocate with over 30 years of experience in pastoral care and community outreach.

As the Robeson County clergy and faith-based outreach coordinator with the Governor’s Highway Safety Program, Ray passionately advocates for preventing drunk driving. Her role with the Vision Zero traffic fatalities initiative has allowed her to help combat irresponsible driving, having witnessed firsthand its impact on North Carolina’s families and communities.

In 2023, Ray became an ambassador for Talk it Out NC. She was drawn to its mission to encourage open conversations between parents and teens about the dangers of underage drinking. By empowering parents to have small everyday conversations, Ray envisions a world where drunk driving is no longer a threat.

Overcoming Anxiety about Starting the Conversation

Ray firmly believes that parents are the key to underage drinking prevention. Parents underestimate the amount of good influence they have on their children. She encourages parents to take the initiative to have regular, honest conversations with their kids. She likes to say, “If they roll their eyes because you’ve said it so often, you’re on the right path! Keep on until they finish your sentences for you.”

Ray further believes that honesty with humor is a great way to share in conversation. Embrace your goofiness, mistakes and awkwardness. Generation Z wants the real you, not the polished, practiced, curated presentation of you. Stumbling over a conversation shows your love for your child over any love of self-image.

As Ray reaches out to the community, she has learned that many parents feel afraid and unqualified to talk to teens about alcohol. Difficult topics like underage drinking may stir up fear, shame, regret, anger and grief about past experiences related to alcohol. Parents often try to correct mistakes that their own parents made, which makes starting the conversation all the more emotionally tricky. Other parents simply don’t know how to start the conversation.

Ray wants to help parents feel sure of themselves when it comes to talking to their teens. But confidence may or may not come. Ray says her parents made it look easy and if she had waited until she felt confident about talking to her kids, she would have never said a word! Preparation helps develop a sense of self-confidence but listening with loving connectedness is the key ingredient. At the end of the day, your kids won’t care whether you spoke to them with confidence. But they will care whether you connected with humility, honesty and love.

Talking to teens about alcohol and safe driving reduces the chances for drunk driving fatalities. Parents can make a life-saving difference in their teen’s life. Don’t wait. Your kids want you to start the conversation.

You already have everything you need to guide your teen. Start Now.